On the HGTV channel’s show “House Hunters,” they make buying a home civilized and stress-free. A smiling real estate professional shows you three homes all in your price range, all in acceptable condition and all with the right number of rooms. Nothing to worry about here.
Unfortunately for buyers who are trying to buy a home right now, it may be a rude awakening from the fiction of “House Hunters” to the reality of bidding wars. And though this may be a bloodless war, by the time you are done you may feel like you’ve been traumatized, nonetheless.
A few months ago, I read a very clever piece by Kris Frieswick, a columnist with a national profile, about the five stages of grief that accompany the loss of a bidding war. Although it was meant to be humorous, it is really an important lesson for today’s house hunters, the essence of which I will share with you.
Stage one, denial: I didn’t like the house anyway. It was a stupid house. Keep saying this until you stop thinking about the stupid house.
Stage two, anger: Maybe the house wasn’t so stupid after all, maybe I’m just a loser. I can’t win the lottery, a pickup basketball game or Candyland with my 5-year-old niece. At this point, Frieswick thinks the loss of the home results in the poor buyer starting to throw things – totally unnecessary since the winning homeowner has no clue what you’re doing.
Stage three, bargaining: You can’t believe you lost, even offering 5% above the winning offer. What’s wrong with you? The problem is the winning offer was all cash, 30% over asking and included a new Range Rover and same-day closing. Now even the broker thinks you’re a loser. Whatever you do, don’t watch HGTV with those picky, delusional buyers who always seem to find the perfect house – what do they know that you don’t?
Stage four, depression: At this point, you’re ready to give up; you will never find a house. You are stuck for the rest of your natural life with the itty-bitty kitchen without an island and your grandmother’s dining room table you were saving for your new home. Now would be a good time to deprogram HGTV from your remote.
Stage five, acceptance: Finally, you’re ready to boot up realtor.com again to see what you missed while you were grieving. Have a glass of wine, if there is any left after your depression, and start making a list of what you must have in a home and what you can give up.
This stage will take time – maybe even until after this insanity of the real estate market has calmed down. In the meantime, look around your current house and see what you can do to make it more marketable when the time comes. If you’re in a rental, embrace not having to paint the walls or renovate the bathroom – it’s someone else’s problem.
Bidding wars in home-purchasing doesn’t resemble at all an elegant Sotheby’s art auction. Buyers and their brokers will try any weapon in their arsenal to make their offers look more appealing and financially better for the seller. You will have to kiss a lot of frogs but in the end, you will get over all of the rejections when you eventually find the perfect home and you’re able to reflect on the humor of it all.
